also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Randomize
