She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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