Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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