I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
