Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
