i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
