i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
