If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
