you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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