The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
