You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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