I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
