I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
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