He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize
