apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
