I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
