I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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