i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
