I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
