Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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