I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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