party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
