We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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