so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
