I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
