is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
