I think I died a long time ago.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
