Jerry, you need to find god
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."�
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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