I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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