my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
