So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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