The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
