i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
How does it feel to date your dad?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
