ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Randomize
