Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I checked into jail on foursquare
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
