How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
