Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Randomize
