I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Randomize
