Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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