I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
