He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
