oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
