boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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