I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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