Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
