I must be too annoying 4 u.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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