Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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