Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
