Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
