Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
