I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
