Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
