just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
