help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
